While divorce primarily involves two people, its impact extends well beyond the couple when children are involved. Divorce brings changes that affect a child’s daily life, emotional stability, and overall development. Navigating these complexities can be challenging, which is why consulting a family law solicitor can help you make informed decisions to safeguard your child’s well-being throughout the process.
Instead, the lives of everyone in the family structure can shift drastically. This shift is so much the case that often when married, individuals with children find their marriage falling apart. They ask themselves and each other if they should remain together for the sake of their kids alone.
Despite this query, the truth of the matter is that children raised in peaceful, supportive environments with the love and support of both of their parents have the best long-term outcomes. Whether that be with two married parents or parents who have divorced and live separately (often referred to as ‘co-parenting’), the child’s psychosocial function across childhood and adolescence is better when home environments are nurturing and relatively stress-free.
Recent research continues to support the idea that children benefit from an amicable relationship between divorced parents, leading to better long-term outcomes than if they remain in a high-conflict household.
That said, the psychological effects of an actual divorce on children are highly variable. Divorce proceedings can be tense, stressful, and emotional for everyone in the family. Despite parents trying to shield their children from whatever legal proceedings are taking place, children are highly perceptive, and can often grasp any contention in the air.
Initial impact across development
Depending on the age of your child, the divorce and ensuing new way of life may be challenging to explain.
Young children often find it challenging to understand the changes happening around them and may have questions about their parents’ separation. Why do I suddenly have two rooms? Why do I spend the holidays split between mommy and daddy? Will daddy stop loving me if I spend too much time with mommy?
Parents may need to prepare for these questions.
Grade school children tend to have the predominant worry that the divorce is their fault. They may worry that their misbehaviour or something they did was the catalyst for the divorce. As a parent, it is imperative that the child feels support and clarification that this is not the case.
Adolescents often feel anger above all else. They may be resentful that the changes in their home situation disrupt their social circle and school life. Rather than blaming themselves, they may blame one parent disproportionately for the dissolution of their marriage.
Alternatively, they may feel anger towards both of their parents for the changes and upheaval in their life during a natural time of transition.
Risks following divorce
There are numerous risks in several different domains of functioning that children face when their parents separate. Two critical areas related to psychosocial functioning include:
Mental Health Problems:
A 2019 study revealed that, regardless of age, gender, or cultural background, children with divorced parents are more likely to experience psychological challenges compared to peers from intact families. In particular, reports have indicated increased rates of anxiety (specifically separation anxiety) and depression.
Behavioural Problems:
Children from divorced families tend to exhibit more externalising problems, such as aggression, delinquency, and impulsive behaviour compared to peers from two-parent households. These outcomes may occur because they are mirroring actions they observed at home. Alternatively, in the first years following the divorce, it could be because they do not feel stable in their home situation.
How to promote resiliency and adjustment in children following divorce?
Although the outcomes mentioned above may seem scary, it is essential to remember that they do not occur in all children. Additionally, the good news is that despite these outcomes, there are definite steps that parents and caregivers can take to reduce any stress imposed on their children, no matter how old they may be.
Co-parenting:
Peaceful co-parenting is central to decreasing a child’s distress. There are clear links between the conflict between parents and behavioural problems in young children. Co-parenting successfully with your ex-spouse is vital in maintaining a healthy and happy home environment in both houses.
Avoid putting children in the middle:
You must be aware and conscious of how your communication with your ex-spouse affects your kids. Avoid having them pass messages between you and your ex-spouse. Do not ask them whether they would prefer to spend time with you or your partner. If there is a special school event or club activity, decide amongst the adults who will attend without putting the responsibility on your child to decide. This forced choice and ‘relay station’ treatment can cause anxiety and worry, particularly in introverted school-age children.
Consistent rules and discipline:
Communicate with your ex-partner to develop clear rules and guidelines for your parenting. Having different parenting styles is normal and okay but be sure to maintain consistency for things like bedtimes, after-school extracurriculars, and curfews. Reducing changes in circumstances from week to week (or however often the children move between households) can minimise friction and confusion in children internally and help you as a parent to remain authoritative.
Get professional help
Divorce is complicated. It is okay not to feel okay. Although friends and other family members can be hugely beneficial, finding someone that can talk you outside of the family structure can also be useful. Reducing your stress level as a parent can allow you to have more space for your child to process their thoughts with you.
Need a solicitor for your divorce?
A family law solicitor is essential in navigating the complexities of divorce proceedings. Beyond legal representation, a solicitor provides critical advice on matters such as equitable division of marital assets, spousal support, and child custody arrangements. They advocate for your rights and help establish fair custody and visitation schedules, prioritizing the welfare of any children involved. Additionally, a solicitor can facilitate mediation between parties to reach amicable settlements, thus minimizing emotional distress for all family members. By working with a qualified professional, you ensure that the legal intricacies of your divorce are addressed thoroughly, fostering a smoother transition for your family.
If you’re navigating a divorce and noticing your children are struggling, consider the steps outlined above to support their well-being. Seeking professional assistance for yourself or your child can provide valuable guidance during this challenging time. Our divorce solicitors are here to offer compassionate, expert advice to help keep the process as stress-free as possible. Remember, finding a balanced compromise is key to fostering a stable future for your family.
Key Takeaway:
- Divorce can significantly impact child development and psychosocial health.
- Contentious proceedings or unexpected divorces pose a strong environmental risk for a child’s long-term well-being.
- Parents can take proactive steps to minimize the effects of divorce on their children.
- With supportive co-parenting, children of amicably divorced parents can lead positive, healthy, and successful lives.
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